As I''ve embarked on the journey of home ownership, I''ve discovered a few things: 1) stuff in houses breaks all the time, especially if a crazy person owned/ maintained the home before you. 2) without a landlord, you have to spend money to fix broken things 3)...
As I''ve embarked on the journey of home ownership, I''ve discovered a few things:
1) stuff in houses breaks all the time, especially if a crazy person owned/ maintained the home before you.
2) without a landlord, you have to spend money to fix broken things
3) any part of a plumbing system breaking is disgusting/particularly disgusting and
4) plumbers are really expensive
Despite the fact that an ''amateur plumber'' Google search primarily returns adult films, I''ve managed to sift through and find helpful content which has allowed me to tackle several near-catastrophe situations with my sewer system while saving enough money to prevent losing my home to a literal ''poop'' creek. I''ve also come to understand that even though I can''t afford one, plumbers should charge whatever they damn well please because they shield people from the horrors of what comes out of our bodies, and do so by crawling around in/digging up the unseen parts of our homes where we hide all of our poop related hardware.
As mentioned above, the previous owner of my home was some sort of maniacal DIY idiot who completed every project in a manner that screams near-total mental paralysis accompanied by the desire to keep trying. To put this into context, the day we moved in the only thing left on the walls was a very blurry photo of Pope Benedict blown up to "giant poster" size, which seemed a bit odd because he was no longer pope and this was clearly a DIY FedEx Office print job, but not problematic until I took it down to find some ''drywall work'' that had been done after they needed to wall access to do some networking. This consisted of a giant hole covered by aluminum foil and what I believe to be Elmer''s glue. The kicker is that they dropped some network cable behind that but tried to wire it into the existing phone jack, which involved a few wires jammed into holes at random and some cotton stuffed into the back to hold the rest of the loose wires in place. In retrospect, it''s probably for the best that this person didn''t succeed because if they had gotten onto the internet, they would have found Twitter and amassed a huge following as an influencer/thought leader by virtue of being utterly ignorant and likely insane. I knew at this moment that this was the harbinger of things to come.
Now that we have established bona fides, let''s move onto the substance of this review. At some point, the dumber version of Forrest Gump who owned my house before decided to put some drainage in for their dirt garden, but instead of installing a pump, drilled through the foundation band joist, jammed some clothing washer draining tube through that hole, and BORED A HOLE THROUGH THE FOUNDATION CONCRETE into the side of the basement sewage basin. Setting aside the stupidity of the idea in the first place, also consider the amount of effort it must have taken, because I''m pretty sure they used a pickaxe. Also consider that the basin cover had a pre-drilled hole in the top sealed by a piece of rubber that could have been popped out with minimal effort. It''s as baffling as it is really, really damaging to a sewage system to pump sediment-laden water at a high rate for a long time in this manner. Realizing that the pump was shot and the piping gummed up with gravelly poop-dirt, I came to terms with the situation. After an adjustment period where I hid in the closet and rocked myself into a state of calm and accepted the work ahead of me, followed by a trip out for plumbing supplies and a lot of beer, I set about removing the sewage basin, pump, and piping all the way to the main exit. Keeping in mind that this was my first foray into plumbing the human wasteland under a home, the stakes were fairly high and there was a lot of room for catastrophic error. I was careful to measure carefully and cement every connection as instructed, and as I put the last joint into place, I envisioned the possibility of a joint rupturing above the pump in a fountain of feces. This allowed me to mentally prepare. However, I was strangely confident as I stood there in my waste-covered hazmat suit, because I knew the welds were quite strong and it all somehow just looked right. I plugged in the pump and started flushing toilets and running sinks in the basement, then stood and watched. To my surprise, the pump turned on as designed and the water was pumped out with nary a drop of leakage. Emboldened, I turned on water sources throughout the home and marveled at the work I had done. A month on without any problems (even after taco night!), I''ve found dozens of other bizarro projects but this success has me feeling confident enough to tackle everything. This cement is really doing its job, and while I''m happy to save money with DIY, it feels great to know I can handle it each time I''m presented with the next ''OMG why did they do that?'' problem to solve. That''s awesome.